Letter to myself: February 2020
I can make this hard on myself, or I can make it a joy. I don’t know about you, but I’m choosing joy. Every single time.
There’s a card on your dresser your parents wrote you on your birthday and the front says: “you are so much sunshine!”
Just a reminder to yourself 🙂
This month you learned that no one else is going to sit in your pain like you are, especially not the person that hurt you. Because who wants to sit in someone else’s pain? The only people that do that are the ones that so actively want to change themselves that they’re willing to see a new perspective. You learned to sit in others pain though. To sit in it, acknowledge it, and extend empathy and forgiveness. Being a better version of yourself doesn’t mean locking your own feelings or fears away deep inside you. It’s facing them so that you can move on.
This month you’ve been cracked wide open in a way you never have before. It’s allowed for new perspectives to arise within you. You learned that for you, this is a time of self-expansion. Of true self-growth. You decided you actually want to be the best version of yourself and it’s time to go to work on the parts of you you haven’t wanted to face. It’s safe to say you’ve never felt like this in your life before. You’ve never dove this deep into self-growth and it’s changing your life. You really are not who you were two months ago. Meditation has been amazing, the kind where you sit in true silence. And truly understanding hurt, confusion, fear, love, joy.
You’ve learned that you take responsibility for things that sometimes are not yours to take responsibility for. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. Do not apologize on behalf of someone else.
You’re learning that happiness isn’t an end destination. That happiness doesn’t reside in the reaching of a certain point in your life or the certain achievement of a goal. You’re learning that happiness is the by-product of your thought life and it starts right now.
You’re learning that sometimes when you feel fearful of something, feel like it’s closing in on you, that your instinct is to push it away. You’re learning that you maybe didn’t even realize it was because you feared it. But you’re learning that not everything you fear means because it’s not for you. Sometimes it means you leap, not knowing if you’re fully ready, but knowing that no one is ever “fully ready.” It means you move towards the fear, because the best way out of fear is through. Because you have things to learn about yourself in this fear. Because fear is never about the thing you’re pushing away, its about the thing you haven’t confronted within yourself.
You’ve learned that you’re way stronger than you think and this month has shown you that. Keep doin’ good things.